Plane of Torment

Some of you may have noticed that Drake Vega (the Dracolich of Devastation) hasn't been around the Badlands in a while. Let me explain what happened to him (in rare "RPG" fashion").
First, let me remind you who, or more specifically what, Drake Vega actually is. Drake was a powerful young bard with great strength and potential. Belpheron took an interest in Drake early on in his career, and helped steer the young deep orc down a path of darkness. The path led Drake to embrace the red dragon blood that flowed through his veins and eventually pursue the deathly arts. Belpheron continued to feed the hatred and venom within Drake. Eventually, when Belpheron founded House Thanatos, he recruited Drake Vega as one of his first lieutenants. Drake proved to be a formidable ally, possessed of great strength and capable of unleashing devastating blows, but lacking willpower. Therefore, Belpheron (and some others) would send Drake to do some of the "dirty work" for House Thanatos. Belpheron and Drake shared many adventures, slaughtering Polish Legionnaires and dominating the Badlands and claiming nearly all territories and fortresses for House Thanatos. Their reign of evil was nearly complete until the Arcane Brotherhood established themselves in Newport and began subversively claiming territories while Drake and Belpheron would occasionally travel to various levels of the Abyss in their persistent quest for necromantic power. Upon a return visit to the Badlands, Drake formed a tenuous alliance with Hellie Layne (leader of Arcane Brotherhood) to overthrow the Queen of the Drow. The battle was extraordinarily fierce, considering there were TWO Drow weaponmasters (apparently the Queen of the Drow figured out a way to clone her henchman). Hellie and Drake slaughtered the Queen and one of the weaponmasters, but the remaining Rylph (seemingly with Divine powers) turned Drake in to a pile of shredded undead flesh and wings. Hellie Layne eventually triumphed over Rylph, but contemplated what to do while she stood over Drake's remains. Should she rez him? Or should she leave him there to rot next to the Drow throne? Thinking it a prime opportunity to rid the Badlands of one its most deadly scourges, Hellie decided to banish Drake and his soul to the Plane of Torment. There Drake has remained, experiencing agonizing pain and torture at the hands of the demons who dwell there. His hatred grows with each passing moment and he longs for the time when he can be released from the torment and return to the Badlands where he vows to make the Newport Sewers run red with the blood of Hellie Layne and all her ilk. Belpheron, meanwhile, has spent many months searching the tomes in the libraries of Newport and Highland Island for a way to free Drake. Considering that Belpheron is one of the most calculating and diabolical mages to ever walk the streets of Newport, it's only a matter of time.
Enemies of House Thanatos had best prepare themselves...

The Grand List Of Console Role Playing Game Clichés

The Grand List Of Console Role Playing Game Clichés

Petrified

I was alerted to some hilarity in Dozo involving a certain player being turned to stone. I'll let you imagine the rest.

Maze of the Lost

Ok, this place sucks total balls. But here is a very basic map of what it looks like. I'll do more work later to label the different way points. Just as a side note DO NOT go into a place called "trapped". (I know, I don't wanna hear about it.)

[***editor's note: the map of the maze has been removed from this post***]

First Blood

Well, it wasn’t Paine that drew first blood against House Thanatos; it was the non-PK guild of Free Traders!

Belpheron was quietly going about his business, re-taking some territories. He killed the Medusa and ported into the ‘Control Room’ of the Desert Spire to discover that Zenblade, leader of the peaceful and non-PK guild had one of his Epic Builds, Drago DirgeBlade, in there waiting for him. Well, having spent most of his spells on the Medusa, Belpheron was in trouble. Belpheron still had Epic Warding and Epic Mage Armor on, plus Acid Sheath, so Drago couldn’t hurt him, but he couldn’t hurt her either. It got even more amusing when Zenblade recruited one of his peace keepers, "Gallahard the Brilliant", to come and assist him. Gallahard brought his Sorcerer build “Twardowski” to attempt to kill the dreaded and evil Belpheron. What was downright hilarious is that for some reason, "Twardowski the Super Intellectual" had Drago on ‘Dislike’, and the IGMS that he was trying to use on Belpheron almost killed Drago before he figured it out!

Eventually Twardowski got his dumb ass straightened out and started hitting Belpheron with IGMS. Belpheron, being the level-headed and calm individual that he is, stopped laughing and kindly requested that Twardowski take a seat and rest for a while by casting Extended Bigby’s Forceful Hand on him, smashing him to the ground. Belpheron then informed Twardowski that it was unwise to underestimate his power, and cast Evard’s Black Tentacles on him, just so he wouldn’t get bored.

During this entertaining spectacle, Drago was standing around, pondering what to do. Was it “worth it” to stand around and watch Twardowski get slapped with Tentacles until Belpheron got bored enough to leave? Was the Territory worth it? It was about that time that Belpheron’s Epic Warding and Acid Sheath wore off, and Drago got brave. Boldly striding up to him, she began to chop away furiously, only to realize that Belpheron keeps a few Acid Sheath’s in reserve, and the stalemate was on again.

Finally, the final hour of the conflict had come. Twardowski was able to get off the floor, fully rested and only mildly bruised from the many Black Tentacles that had been mercilessly beating away on him, reminding him vaguely of that weekend in college he doesn’t talk about. Drago, emboldened by the presence of someone who could keep her healed while she beat upon Belpheron’s undead and acid covered flesh, began to hack away furiously. Little did Drago and “Twardowski the Goo Covered” know that Belpheron always has over 1000 healing kits in his inventory at all times. Therefore, it took almost 5 minutes for the two of them to eventually hack Belpheron into tiny, undead and unrepentant bits.

It was at this time that Drago, showing the good sportsmanship we have come to expect from her, used a ‘Raise Dead’ scroll on Belpheron, and it was also at this time that Twardowski, showing himself to be the Cock Juggling Thunder-Cunt I have long suspected him to be, promptly cast another IGMS on him. That’s called “Res-killing”, and it’s a No-No. Check the server rules if you’re curious.

Well, this story has a happy ending! Not like what Twardowski is used to; no, there were no sticky showers needed after what was to come. Unbeknownst to either of Belpheron’s antagonists, Belpheron had an ally who had been chopping through the gate to the Medusa’s area this entire time. When Drago used a second ‘Raise Dead’ scroll on Belpheron, he went and opened the door to the room, letting in ‘Borg Master’, a Singing, Slashing, Disarming whirlwind of Dev Crit Death! Utilizing his unique “Anti-Spell capabilities”, Borg quickly knocked Twardowski to his knees and began to bludgeon him with a great sword. It did not take long before Twardowski “shuffled off his mortal coil and joined the choir invisible”. And what did Drago do during this critical moment? What did the leader of the guild do? That’s right folks, you guessed it, he logged off, leaving is guild-mate to die and logged on with a different build.

So, Belpheron was able to claim the territory after all. He then celebrated by hunting down Zenblade and Gallahard and reminding them that while Crime doesn’t pay, messing with House Thanatos will get your ass kicked.

WAR!!

It has begun. Paine has his own guild and apparently the support of some of the DM’s. He has begun to take all of the Territories away from the other guilds and has even taken some Fortresses.

As the leader of House Thanatos, I officially declare war upon the Death Dealers, or whatever Paine’s guild is called, and anyone who helps them either kill members of, or capture territories belonging to, House Thanatos.

A new age of conflict has begun. Long live the guilds, but death to those that oppose mine.

A Friendly Public Service Announcement

I have been talking to some of the DM’s lately and there are a few things they wanted everyone to know.

1. Don’t beg the DM for Buffs or Resurrections or Bruce might chase you.
2. Don’t beg for Gold or Xp or Server Info might chase you.
3. Don’t spam invite the ‘MG’ to your “Team”, he doesn’t need you leeching his Xp.
4. If DM Veddartgaz gets bored you need to RUN, because Bosses WILL be dropping on you.
5. Newbies that bash NPC’s in Dozo and then run around like crazy crying for help when the NPC’s start chasing and killing them are extremely amusing and will not receive any help from the DM.
6. If you see an Oki dying repeatedly while attempting to do something his build cannot do, make sure you tell your DM so he can come watch. It’s therapeutic!
7. If you want a good answer from people, just say “u level” and “team” a lot! Most people will answer you like you were their best friend!
8. One of the most amusing things in the history of the civilized world was Shadow218596 crying that the server was broken because all of his belongings got Pick Pocketed. “This is Game Mistake!!”
9. It’s not a good idea to call the DM an Asshole when he catches you cheating.
10. If you want something from the DM, ask politely and then wait. It is not your right to have him stop what he’s doing to come and bow before you.
11. And last but not least, DM’s are players. The log into the game to PLAY, not to fix your Fuck-ups.

I hope that this will increase the enjoyment that you get from your experiences in the Badlands. Have a nice day.

PS: Feel free to add to this list!