Thursday, April 30, 2009

A Day in the Life of a Beta Tester

Many times I have been asked, "What's it like being a Beta Tester?"
Quite often I get asked, "What does the Beta Room look like?"

With the help of an unsuspecting Beta Tester, I will try to glamorize what a typical day is like for a Beta Tester. This is a Reality Show, it's not scripted and they aren't actors. This is the real deal folks. And please, don't try this at home. This is extremely dangerous and people can die. They are professionals, you are not.

Simon Hawk, one of our finest DM's and beloved Beta Testers was caught on a new secret spy cam I was testing inside the Beta Room. Obviously he is laying down on the job. Tsk Tsk.

When questioned later by the Cult Leader, Simon said, "Hey dude, not sure how this happened. But I logged off of BadLands while in the Beta Room, and when I logged back in I died. It was weird."

One thing a Beta Tester needs is quick wits, like Darian who was on to something and pointed out what the others had missed, "Clearly what's happening here is that the Beta Room is finally developing some class ....I mean .... to kill Simon shows she knows whats she's doing.............. I say Beta Room 1, Simon 0."

(Makes you wonder what Darian and the 'female' Beta Room do when the lights are out.)

It seems that a new spy cam was not the only thing being tested that day. Qwildurn told us about her other new toy. "I planned it that way. :) It's the new AI (Artificial Intelligence) I'm testing. Simon just did a Beta Test. Soon, all areas will be killing Simon. LOL."

Being able to roll-with-the-punches seems to be a much needed skill for a Beta Tester. And I think Simon had to use his Acceptance Feat this time as well. "LMAO! You know you're screwed when empty areas start killing you! hahaha", was Simon's responce.

After some brow-beating by the Non-Believers, Simon finally owns up.

"I remember being near death when I logged out. I was in a rush to go and PK "Gina the wild thing level 49" because she mega-spawn killed my level 20 in the Drow Stronghold." (Do Beta Players really PK others? Or is this another test?)

"I ran in the Beta Room to check player position so I could go get my level 43 Mage and teach a lesson in manners. I finally tracked Gina down to the Newport Docks and started to dispense some justice, but she immediately ran back to the safe zone." (Ahh, now the test finds a coward, results are what Beta Testers live for.)

"Since I was already at the docks I decided to kill the Royal Ass, but Gina decided she had balls and jumped me while I was attacking the Royal Ass. But that didn't matter, Royal Ass was on his back so I turned my attention to Gina. The fight didn't last long and Gina was dead. I ported out, rested and came back to finish off the Royal Ass, only to discover that he was walking about in the docks area. He then proceeded to cast a FIREBALL spell on me WTF?" (What they don't know is this: Assassins are good at other things too. This test proves that a well built assassin can pick Gina's pocket and use that stolen scroll to piss off Simon.)

"I used Bigby's and some IGM's to finish off the Royal Ass, and then I found some interesting drops from him. A sweet magic wand. That's a new one on me. Maybe a DM was on at the time? Not sure. Either way I got a cool ass drop for some reason. (BRRF, you loose. No DM's on. It seems that a fireball scroll wasn't the only thing the "Royal Pain in the Ass" stole that day. And this Beta Test confirms that if you can kill the Royal Ass, you to will get any stolen items he has.")

I lost count, just how many times did Simon die during this Beta Test?

And what did we all learn from this Beta Test?

Hmm.

How about, 'Gina the wild thing' is so tough she can kill players when she isn't even trying or in the same area.

No, that's not it.

6 comments:

Simon Hawk said...

The worst part about being a beta_tester is the fact the beta_room is a smelly old farm barn full of hay and cow manure.

Other than that the benefits are pretty sweet! Plus, how else are you going to be able to replicate & test weird shit.

Jim Brannick said...

lmao!

This story about Simon proves my theory:
If you log enough hours in the Badlands (to the point where you become morbidly obese, a full-blown alcoholic, and completely devoid of any sex-drive), Q will, eventually, grant you Beta status.
No matter how retarded you are.

Jim Brannick said...

Q said:
"(Makes you wonder what Darian and the 'female' Beta Room do when the lights are out.)"
Unless Darian is actually an Uber hottie that just poses as some nerdy gamer on nights and weekends, I don't want to know.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Gina is a notorious runner, she'll run from anything carrying around as much as a butter knife from fear of getting a scratch on that mage of hers. I've ripped her up a few times and I shouldn't care about it, but for some reason it pisses me off just seeing her walk around.
About Darian, the last email adres I saw had a rather female name in it. So I think we're up for some cyberlesbiansex, Q knew this so he installed the spycam hoping for some action.

Qwildurn said...

LMAO - I'm waiting for some animal style, that's why it's in a barn. I can't wait to do up the "man-bear-pig". Wohoo, three at once!